19 years and 3 months seems like a long time when you say it out loud, but it was not nearly enough. I still remember the very first time we met - your parents house Feb 1989, on my way to Supercross with your sisters JEN & JO. We were so young, you 19 and me 17. I loved the way you were strong,sensitive,funny, and how I always felt safe with you. I saw and felt how much you loved, respected and admired your sisters, Jen, Jo & Nett, but most of all your Mom. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with you even though you were not my type. God how I miss & love you so much, it sounds so cliche, but it's true. I pictured my whole life with you. When we would talk about how the kids were growing up so fast, our future grandchildren how we hoped it would be Broc & Kristen before Tony..lol. It was you and only you I pictured spending the rest of my life with. I feel you and I know you came to visit me in December, but you have not been back since why?. There are days when I know you are in heaven then there are days when I think I am actually going crazy, I have to really think are you here or are you gone. I can't even look to the future, I live each day as it comes. I look at Taylor & Reese and think I have to keep living for them. When you left so much of me left it's taking time for me to know who I am without you. People tell me I have to move on, I'm trying, I want to give the kids a "normal life". but all I really want is to be with you to hold you, touch you, kiss you, laugh with you, but most of all to feel you hug me. You will ALWAYS be the GREATEST father, husband, lover, but most of all my bestfriend. You will continue to live on in my heart in the hearts of our children and the many memories we created.